It’s that time of year again, when some children are leaving home, and parents are feeling very sad and overwhelmed about it. It’s a normal feeling and the common name for it is empty nest syndrome.
It can manifest itself in a number of different ways. You can feel frustrated by the lack of control you now have. You’ve gone from having control over their daily life to practically none at all. This can leave you feeling left out. Try to cope with this feeling and don’t try to continue to control your child from a distance. Allow them to spread their wings and trust that your parenting has prepared them for this.
You may feel that your life has now lost its purpose. From days once filled with activities and classes you have more free time. But you may not know what to fill it with. This is the time to find new purpose in your life. Think of the things you have always wanted to do, if only you had more time. Start a new hobby or give yourself a new goal. Find a new role for yourself other than ‘parent’. Do you want to be a volunteer? A supportive friend or a caring neighbour? You can still have purpose in life.
Don’t be surprised if you become emotional over the smallest things. You are grieving what your life used to be. You could be feeling a broad range of emotions. Sadness, anger, anxiety and fear are just some of the emotions that you could experience. Not only about your child but yourself and where your life is now. Don’t suppress them, allow yourself to feel whatever comes up. It’s important to face your emotions no matter how uncomfortable they may be. The sooner you face them the sooner you can get through them. Don’t be afraid to share how you are feeling with other parents. You may be surprised how many are feeling the same as you. Support and help each other through this difficult time.
If you have a partner or spouse this is the perfect time to reconnect with each other. Both of your lives have been focused on your child for years. When they leave this is going to change. Remember what your relationship was like before the children. It’s time to make new memories as a couple! Travel and have date nights without worrying about childcare. Cook whatever you want. Find new activities you and your partner can do together.
It’s also important to reconnect with yourself. Did you have hobbies you gave up due to the demands of parenting? Friends you didn’t have time for? This is the perfect time to explore who you are now and who you want to be going forward.
Finally, remember that this change isn’t a bad thing. Your encouragement and support has enabled your child to take this step into the world. You should be proud of yourself!